Unless you live under a rock and next to a pineapple under the sea, I’m sure it’s been brought to your attention that it’s Election Day. And if you’re anything like me, you’re dreading the onslaught of “Did you vote yet?”s and political ads that run like clockwork when all you want to do is watch a YouTube video. So instead, lie in your bed, turn off the TV and listen to some new music.
Always fighting to stay relevant, Aerosmith released its 15th studio album, Music From Another Dimension, which is approximately the median number of DUIs the band’s fans have. Following the election theme, the album starts off with “LUV XXX,” which has a creepy, futuristic intro that basically tells listeners that they have absolutely no control and brings up repressed nightmares of that creepy tunnel scene from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. Although that first minute alone gives people enough reasons to immediately turn the album off, if anyone tries to trudge through the 18-track album (coincidentally, the median number of failed marriages Aerosmith fans have) they’ll only discover Aerosmith sounding exactly like what the band is: a group from the '70s who think that it still has a place in modern music. Buy this album for your dad…if you want him to have a midlife crisis.
Speaking of irrelevant, Kylie Minogue also released an album: The Abbey Road Sessions, which is clearly named after the studio where the Aussie recorded the tracks. The album is a reworking of previous songs, and considering the only one I recognized was “Can’t Get You Out of My Head,” I had pretty low standards for the album. Thankfully, the album is actually good. Minogue slows things down, uses real instruments and acts more like a lounge singer than a third-rate pop star. Unfortunately, nothing can make the “la la”s in “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” acceptable.
Also look for the score for the latest James Bond movie, Skyfall. But please note the word "score," which means the Adele song is not on this album. Ne-Yo (the R&B guy that didn’t beat up Rihanna) released R.E.D. today, as well as Prince Rama’s Top Ten Hits of the End of the World, which, based off the album cover, should never have been created. Metal groups ISIS and All That Remains also put out albums. If you want to actually listen to something good, maybe try Andy Stott’s electronic Luxury Problems, which ACRN writer Ross Lockhart adored (if it sucks blame him).
So sorry, I was wrong. You probably should go out and brave the poll bullies instead of subjecting yourself to this week’s lackluster new music.
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